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Working When????

I thought it was just a song...damn it! That whole "Working 9 to 5" crap...but, apparently, it is not.


Here's the deal. All of my working life, which started in 1977...and yes, I am still 19 years old (Don't do the math...you don't have time to count that much!) I have worked jobs which were basically in establishments (sounds like maybe I have worked in brothels...but you are wrong...so wrong!) that are open 24/7 (again, maybe brothels...I do not know their business hours...I really don't...stop it!). You know, TV and radio stations and the occasional restaurant or state police post (worked...not incarcerated...again, stop it!). My hours in these jobs were all over the place.


All of the sudden, even though I am still in broadcasting, I find myself thrust into a 9 to 5 job and I have no idea how to function. I mean, is this supposed to be what "normal" is like. It can't be, can it? If so, I believe we need more therapists on stand-by and definitely more rehab clinics.


These hours are so foreign to me. I feel like I should go to bed every night by 8pm in order to get to work by 9am. Now, granted, I do live in a suburb of Atlanta and Atlanta traffic can be, to say the least, quite unkind.


Here's the rundown of my new "normal", or, as I like to call it, my own personal hell! I get up at 6am and immediately jump in the shower at 6:35am. Well, immediately is a bit of a stretch. It actually takes me about 35 minutes to realize why my eyes are open so early in the day (thus, the 6:35am shower time). Then comes the declaration spoken aloud to my dogs, whom just like me are wondering why their eyes are open that early, that I must leave the house by 7am. That time is confirmed each morning when I get in the car roughly at 7:35am or thereabouts.


Driving to work is an adventure, to say the least. There's the coffee anxiety - meaning, do I stop and wait in line for coffee and risk being late for work or keep driving and make a cup of coffee when I get to work? Stopping wins, most of the time, well, actually, let's just say that stopping for coffee never loses! Also, hey Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks, how about not being so judgmental when I order a large or Venti Vanilla Latte with 4 packets of Stevia and 6 shots of Bourbon Cream before 8am! You don't know my life! Or do you?? I sure hope not!


My workday seems to speed by. Then, I have the good fortune of driving home in the afternoon rush hour! Yay me!! Maybe it will rain! Maybe a Brinks truck will topple over and spill money all over the highway! Maybe some Zebras will zigzag in and out of the HOV lanes! Maybe I will fall for the 3 right lanes closed 500 feet ahead sign and screech to a halt and no one will let me over because they know the lanes aren't actually closed ahead! Or, even better, maybe the lanes are actually closed and I am the only one that gets over and then 40 other fuckers that didn't believe the signs are stopped beside me with their turn signals on expecting me to let them over in front of me! Hell no! Not my fault you can't read the signs! All of these have actually happened, not in the same day, but a girl can dream!


Keep reading! Don't be jealous!


I get home about 6:15pm or so and then the race is on until I can go to sleep!


I have to fix lunch for the next day and lay my clothes out (does everyone lay their clothes out for the next day? Anyone? Hello?). That can take anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes or it may not happen at all. That is how good I am with structure!


Have people lived like this for years? How the hell??


Is there something horribly wrong with me??


Wait, don't answer that! I really don't want to know.

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4 Comments


lcoej
Aug 30, 2021

Well, I am so stupid when it comes to technology it took me at least thirty minutes to find this place! After a Crown on the rocks the Burbon Angel found me and I enjoyed every word you wrote! As usual I get caught up in your fantastically funny view of everyday life. Please do not stop, I need this little chuckle or belly laugh every day! If I get lost again, please come find me!!!

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gwendolynhess
Aug 24, 2021

Love it! Looking forward to your next entry!

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hannonlauretta
Aug 23, 2021

Love it! And so relate to those hours and the whole Atlanta Nightmare Commute. I can hear you as I read this. (But I know you didn't work in a brothel because you had already told me about your brief stint at the strip club--the one that ended quickly when the patrons tried to tip you $1 and asked for change...yeah, that time.) SERIOUSLY, this is a great read!

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gjolmt
gjolmt
Aug 23, 2021

Welcome to the daylight workers…we are here and we are tired!

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