Not just a song title to me anymore (I know, several of my readers aren’t old enough to know what I am talking about…high fives to those that do). After writing that sentence, I don’t know if I have broken up with anyone before. I have been broken up with maybe more than 65 times (I am sure that number is much smaller, but for some reason 65 sounds better than 2) but being the breaker upper (copyrighting this term…but did not check to see if it is really anything I can copyright…so, maybe I can, maybe I can’t) maybe 0.
It’s not that I am easy to break up with. I will stalk the hell out of you and it is not a problem for me to call your phone 25 times in a 25 minute period; so, don’t think you are getting out of this easily. Please know that none of this information was listed in any of my personal ads or online dating profiles. I might be lying about the personal ad; I mean, either I never ran a personal ad or I may have included the above info. Either way, hopefully, you get what I mean.
I am racking my brain (only takes a moment) to think of any break-ups that I may have initiated. None come to mind. I typed Nine come to mind first…but then thought I should probably tell the painful truth.
Is breaking up in relationships the only break up that is hard? I think maybe there is a harder break up…breaking up with a professional. I guess when you break up in a personal relationship, you do want to find someone else eventually, but the urgency is probably not there because you may want a little time alone to get yourself together or to go in a different direction personally. That is hard to do sometimes in a professional break-up.
I have had a few break-ups in my time – professionally, that is. They aren’t easy. Rarely do you cry as much as in a personal relationship…but maybe sometimes, you do.
My first professional break-up was with my family doctor. The doctor who brought me into this world. I broke up with him for a newer, younger model. Growing up in a very small county in Kentucky, new doctors didn’t come along every day…so, when you see a new one…you grab them in a hurry. Well, technically, you don’t grab a new doctor or even one you have known a while, you make an appointment in a hurry. I am not sure how devastated my family doctor was because I never looked back. Heartless…I know.
My second professional break-up was with a therapist (this will get old…trust me!). I started seeing a therapist in Lexington, KY. In my mind (this explains me being in therapy), seeing a therapist is kind of like eating Lays potato chips, you can’t see just one (a stretch…I know). I found a therapist who was listed as a Christian therapist. I believe he was a minister and I saw him for a few weeks, but then on my final visit (this wasn’t a planned final visit), my therapist looked at my check (checks, remember them!) before he said my name. It was my perception he didn’t know my name unless he read it off my check. That was all the ammo I needed to get the hell (sorry, Christian therapist) out of there! Again, never looked back!!
My third professional break-up (I am not sure why I am numbering these…I have no idea if there have been more or less) was with another therapist in Atlanta. It was a fight over money. Well, a fight she didn’t really participate in, but she caused it. I walked in one day for my appointment and the receptionist informed me I owed quite a bit of money (well, it was for me at the time). Apparently, my therapist had raised her rates and I owed $60 more an hour for each hour session I had over the past two months. I paid the money and knew that was going to be my last session. I was so pissed. Anyway, it certainly wasn’t the best therapy session I ever had, but I made it through and paid the money they said I owed and it still pisses me off right now…ugh!
There have been a few break-ups along the way that surprisingly don’t involve therapists…I do see other professionals. There was the doctor that kept giving me diet pills even though I told her I was only eating a strawberry a day. She was so happy for me. ONE STRAWBERRY! There are others, but they are too numerous to mention.
Now, it is time for another break-up. This one may be hard since I broke up with someone else to see this person. You see the other person was an asshole…so, it was pretty easy to leave them in my dust. I found out my current soon-to-be-ex was free…so, I made a change! Well, now I have to make another change!!
Here is the thing - I like kids as much as the next person…well, maybe not the next person but the one next to them…or maybe two rows behind them as long they aren’t in a movie theater or a restaurant…but then, I love kids! My current relationship is being challenged and it is all because of the children!
Oh, I knew they existed! I hadn’t seen them, but I knew that’s what this person was into. I had been okay with it until now, when I got a call saying, “I can’t see you on Wednesday because of the children…that is the day I see the children.”
We had planned Wednesday for months. I guess me meeting the children was too damn much!
I am moving on. The receptionist made the appointment and they knew my dentist only saw children on Wednesdays.
Well, I am going to ask about children for my next relationship. I won’t make that damn mistake again!
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